Living with Thanks

One of my favorite hymns of the Lenten/Easter season. is To God Be The Glory. The melody is written with such joy, and the lyrics are so true, that it just lifts me up every time. Glory be to God for his great gift to us, and let the words we sing truly be a blessing to Him.

I can't remember the last time I actually got to sing that song. Perhaps last year at this time? I don't know. I hope we have a chance to sing it this year... If not, I'll be singing here at home at any rate.

Songs are one of the greatest ways we can give praise to the Lord. Even if you aren't what most people would consider a great singer, or even a mediocre one, it's ok. I'm fairly certain the Lord does not take into account the tone and key of your praises if offered in genuine faith and God-glorifying ways. (Of course this isn't to disparage good singers - they have the responsibility and privilege of blessing both God and others through their talent.)

But as someone who falls into the not quite good category, I find comfort in the fact that my only audience is God. And my kids, who have yet to complain and often ask for more. 

Why are people so scared to sing in front of others when it's a hymn or song of worship? I find it's usually, but not by any means always, the guys who are more nervous and apt to mutter their way through a song that is bursting with joy. Not sure if there are any fellas out there who read this, but if there are, could help a sister out? Or, sister types who may share in the timid singing, feel free to help out too. Because I know some people who are really, really bad at singing (not to name names, but let's just say I've known a great man who is a terrible singer for going on 28 years now), but they still belt it out. Perhaps it's just getting to a place where you are more comfortable with God than with others around you.

I know that I struggle with praying out loud in front of others, so perhaps it's the same feeling? In my case, though, I know it's about the words I have to say. When I can read aloud a prayer from Valley of Vision, I'm ok, but praying on the spot can make me nervous. With hymns, the words are there for you. But I suppose it's still that feeling of messing up? I don't know.

I love corporate worship. It's one of the things the church should be about. The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. I believe it. We should be singing the Doxology all the time in our hearts. Praising and thanking the God from whom all blessings flow; perhaps rotating the Doxology with the Gloria Patri.

Maybe it's because I started out my Christian faith in a Presbyterian church that sang the Gloria Patri every week, along with reciting Apostle's Creed, but I find we don't sing/say them enough. In fact, I went from using these every week, to a church where we said them often, but not each week, to a church where they are never spoken at all. I have to admit I find that kind of strange. It seems like a good idea to corporately say, "This is what we believe" - to remind ourselves of this. Now, I don't think we need to go all high order or anything and recite them every week, that becomes too rote for most people. I keep meaning to ask my pastor's why our church doesn't ever use them at all. Is there some great secret about them? I don't know.

Anyway... All this to say, we should consistently have a song in our heart, offering praise to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, without whom we would have nothing, and be nothing.

And we're back!

Is over a month long enough between blog posts? Yes, I believe it is.

The race has come and gone. I did much better than I anticipated - nabbing a time of 22:53. It must have been ordained because my race number was 222. Overall, I'm very pleased with how I did, particularly considering my training for the previous month had been rather slack. With traveling to northern climes, sickness making its rounds again and again through our small family, Dan's long hours at work and my general laziness, I went in rather nervous on Saturday. It was obvious to me I'd finish, but how well I would do was not entirely clear to me. But my gracious Heavenly Father provided perfect running weather - cool and overcast. This may seem an odd description of perfect running weather, but I tell you it is - no sun to be in your eyes, cool so you don't overheat (as running really does make you warm enough), but not so cold that your lungs freeze (this is important. I promise).

One interesting thing was trying to pace myself amongst this huge crowd of people. According to the website, there were 1556 people that finished the race. You can imagine how it felt just before the air horn sounded the start - all of us crowded onto the street in less than one city block, moving to keep warm and glancing around or talking to friends. I felt kind of awkward being alone, but one the air horn sounded, it was fine. I was in my own world. Eventually, I settled into a groove where I was comfortable - mixing running with fast walking - and I began to notice the people around me. One person I noticed was a girl who I think was about my age, and to be honest, seemed about my skill level. I used her to pace myself, and I could tell she was probably doing the same. We'd pass each other often, usually walking and running in similar intervals. Essentially, I used a total stranger to spur me on when I had no one else (Dan and Ainsley were great cheerleaders at the finish line, but that was 20 minutes away). 

If I'm able to feel that encouragement from a stranger in a stressful situation, imagine the encouragement we garner from our friends!

There's a blog post that I have been working on for a month now. While I was home with my parents, I was able to attend their church. It's pastored by my former youth pastor, who I love dearly and have always found to be one of the best speakers I've ever heard. The week I was there, he spoke on the ten lepers healed by Jesus, and how only one returned to offer thanksgiving. You can listen here: http://ctknj.wordpress.com/ctk-blog/sermons-2009/ (it's the sermon from 2/21). It really resonated with other thoughts I'd already been trying to process, and post on here, but life got in the way and this blog became back burner charcoal. So in the meantime, listen to it, and then I'll be back with thoughts!

Meandering Back

When I was younger, I would play a game with myself - I'd memorize license plates and people's features in the hopes that something major was about to happen and the police would need an eyewitness. I wanted to be that eyewitness. Now, I also enjoyed reading a book full of crime scene photos to try and figure out what happened, so perhaps I was a bit preoccupied with justice from a young age ;) That, or I was just a weirdo. But anyway. 

(Now, before you say, "Why would any parent let their kid read such a thing?!" - because you know you're thinking it - let me tell you that I'm not even sure where the book came from, or that my parents knew I had it on my bookshelves in my closet. Yes, shelves. I had many, many books. So they can't be blamed for my interesting reading habits.)

I could memorize phone numbers after hearing or seeing them once. It was no trouble for me to find my way places after one visit (which, thankfully, I can still do most of the time. Being blessed with a sense of direction is nothing to sneeze at, trust me). People's names and faces were easily connected in my mind, along with what they were wearing, where they stood and even how they spoke.

Honestly, I had a gift.

And yet, somewhere between then and now I've lost it. Gone. Never to return. Not sure if it's my old age (I mean, seriously, I'm practically hobbling along) or the fact that I've given birth to two small humans, but my brain has left the building. Let's blame this one on the kids. During both pregnancies I'd lovingly refer to my children as parasites. Dan didn't like that so much, but he didn't experience the mind-numbing effects that a pregnancy can bring on - exhaustion from sharing all you have with another being, and slowly having your brains drip down the umbilical cord. This has led me to a theory that the reason we have generational sin is because as our dear children are in-utero, they are able to basically download all our past transgressions and store them for future use. Whether it be a stubborn and contrite spirit, or a general mischievousness, those kids have learned it all from sucking out my memories.

Anyway, scientific hypothesis aside, suffice it to say that this old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be. And somehow this makes me develop a restlessness like never before. I've always been a fairly restless person. I'm not the type to want to stay home all the time. Let me go, let me out, let me run free across the mountains and prairies! I could not wait to leave for college and explore the world. Every other week as a child I'd want to be something else, go somewhere else, find something new to discover. Basically I was, and still am, a career schizophrenic. Truly I think there are so many jobs I'd love (as long as they allow creative freedom and don't make me sit behind a desk 9-5).

I was reminded of this last night. For the past few days I've been messing around with different signs, cards and other goodies that let me flex any creative muscles my taxed brain has left. Whenever I start getting involved in projects like this, I think to myself, "Self, you could have a lot of fun as a graphic designer." You can also insert fabric, stationery (but definitely not stationary), cake or just about any art for graphic in that sentence.

Then, I watched an interesting program on KET about an anthropologist named Melville Herskovits. I don't remember hearing about him before, but it's entirely possible I spent a semester on him. (Please see previous paragraphs for explanations as to how this is so) He studied under Franz Boas, an anthropologist who is considered the founding father of American anthropology, and someone who is near and dear to my heart. (Not like that hag Margaret Mead, but we won't go into that here, since most of you are already lost I'm sure) At any rate, it made my heart ache to be back learning under Dr. Hummer and Dr. Meneses. I think the time I spent at Eastern in the Anthropology & Missions dept. was one of the best of my life. The friends in those classes are on my mind often, and just bring a smile to my face. Watching just made me so wistful, and I began to think of all the different paths my life could have taken if I had made different choices to pursue academia more.

But my life didn't take those paths. There are no alternate universes. (I have never ever seen an episode of Lost in my life, but noticed a lot of Facebook status updates today regarding this show and the idea of alternate universes. Any references made in the comments will be utterly lost on me - no pun intended) And I think part of the working out, as it were, of my restless mind and nature is one of the reasons I so often fail when I set goals for myself. I get bored, distracted and forgetful, and abandon half finished projects for the next thing.

Lately I've been so busy, then sick, that I've had nearly no opportunity to run or work out. And I find myself half wanting to head over the the track, and half wanting to just say, "Oh forget it, it's only a fun run, so I can walk that whole thing". That, however, would mean I had once again failed to finish, and let my restless (and yet lazy) spirit take the victory.

So tomorrow I'm going running. (Tonight we have potluck at church, and I've missed two weeks in a row already. Since this is my primary social event of the week, I just can't miss again or I'll go crazy). And this weekend I'll go running.

I've got to give focus to the wanderlust of my heart. Or it may just wander off on to another trail again, and we can't have that now.

Busy Bodies

I've had lots of plans to write here, but life has been really busy, mostly because Dan has been really busy. It's a wonderful blessing that he has a secure, well-paying job, but it'd be nice if they didn't rely on him so much! He's the go-to guy on things he doesn't even work on, and is often called on to fix things other people just can't figure out (despite it being their job to figure it out). So most days this past week were spent going in early and coming home late. Which meant I had lots and lots of time with the kids. All this led to pure exhaustion on both our parts.

So I didn't get to run or work out much.

That's what I was trying to say.

On Sunday, we went to the pool down the street for a family swim time, and apparently our whole day had the same idea! On the way in, I slipped and fell (it was a rainy day). Since I was holding Eben, I pretty much let my one knee take the fall, and now it is a-hurtin'. I find it funny that injuries tend to hurt more a day or two later than the initial incident; I guess because it has time to swell and all that.

I wanted to take a chance to thank all of you who have been praying for me, particularly in regards to my spirit of despondency. Despite the physical exhaustion of this past week, I've been feeling much more joyful and content in spirit. I know this is a direct result of prayers on my behalf because there is no other reason, and many to the contrary, why I should now be less melancholy.

So thank you! And here's hoping I'll be able to keep up a bit better now that Dan has solved the world's problems... Ok, at least at work. (for people half-way around the world)

results

Yesterday I learned that I lost 2 lbs this past week. Hooray! While I'm not in this whole running thing to lose weight alone, it sure is nice that I am losing some! Like, I'm really really excited. A lot.

That's about it. I just had to share. haha

A little help

Yesterday I got an email reminding me that the Shamrock Shuffle is a mere 53 (52 at this point) days away. It was good to know, but also daunting because I have felt very unmotivated lately... Beyond running on Friday and Saturday, I've done nothing since to help move forward. This lack of motivation is seriously bumming me out. I think a bit of music would help... Music has that amazing ability to inspire us, calm us and speak to and for us when we seem otherwise unable to find words.

I realized that while I don't need an mp3 player (especially since I know Dan and I have killed 2 since being married), I'd really like one. But then I thought about what I'd like to put on it. What are some songs you love to listen to while cleaning, working out, running or driving? I listen to a pretty eclectic mix of stuff, but trying to figure out what would really keep me going was a bit hard as most of it is pretty mellow. I know my bluegrass stuff would have enough pep to keep me a-runnin', but I thought I'd turn to my friends for suggestions of their favorites.

(Also, though somewhat of a sidenote, I'm trying to find some albums that feature hymns. But not over-produced or overdone. Just simple, so that I can sing along as I go through the day. I find so many are either big productions or lousy quality. Anyone have some great ones they love?)

And in return, readers, I will share this delicious recipe. We tried it over the weekend and I can assure you that I was looking forward to leftovers once the meal ended! A great vegetarian option, too, for those who are so inclined.

Cavatappi with Spinach, Garbanzo Beans, and Feta

Yield: 12 servings (serving size: 1 1/3 cups)

Ingredients

• 8  cups  coarsely chopped spinach
• 8  cups  hot cooked cavatappi (about 12 ounces uncooked spiral-shaped pasta)
• 1  cup  (4 ounces) crumbled feta cheese
• 1/4  cup  olive oil
• 2  tablespoons  fresh lemon juice
• 1/2  teaspoon  salt
• 1/2  teaspoon  black pepper
• 2  (19-ounce) cans chickpeas (garbanzo beans) or other white beans, drained
• 4  garlic cloves, crushed
• Freshly ground pepper
• Lemon wedges (optional)

Preparation

Combine first 10 ingredients in a large bowl; toss well. Garnish with lemon wedges, if desired.

Nutritional Information

Calories:288 (27% from fat)

Fat:8.6g (sat 2.3g,mono 4.2g,poly 1.3g)

Protein:11.2g

Carbohydrate:42.2g

Fiber:4.4g

Cholesterol:9mg

Iron:3.6mg

Sodium:334mg

Calcium:106mg

Cooking Light, JUNE 1998

 

Off

Sometimes you just need to take a break from the everyday and have a little time off. For Dan, that day was Friday. Work has been extremely stressful for him lately - which is a blessing, of course, in its own way - but still. If you have a job, it can stress you out and you need time off. And that's that.

But, I will tell you that I did not take a day off from running. Despite my weariness and really not wanting to go, I went to the indoor track. But I didn't get as far as I would normally. It was rough, and a bit discouraging. Yesterday, thanks to glorious weather granted by the Lord, Dan and I both went running. He ran to the park, while I drove the kids over, then he played at the playground with them while I ran through the park. Let me tell you something:

Outdoor running on the hills is not easy. I thought I was going to pass out a time or two, no exaggeration. I was relieved to see a police officer parked in one of the lots because I thought, "Well, if I really start to feel bad, I'm heading there for help". Not sure if it's good to have an escape route or not while running, but it made me feel better. On the way home, and for the rest of the evening, the whole right side of my chest felt tight and a bit constricted. Come to think of it, if I'm going to keep running, I ought to get myself an inhaler again. I think I gave my last one away to my younger brother when he was down back in September. Hmm. Yes, it does help to breathe properly.

You know how sometimes you just feel off? Something isn't right, though you can't put your finger on it, and it usually exerts itself throughout your whole body - spirit, mind, and physical well-being all seem to suffer. I've felt that way lately. My head has been feeling light and disconnected, sore back and neck muscles, and my mind seems unable to focus on anything at all. So if anyone talks to me, I apologize if I seem like some kind of space cadet. I'm not sure what's going on right now. (and you can probably tell it in this horrible writing. I'm barely able to bring myself to even post this, but I have to... because, well, that's the point)

But I'll tell you this, it's frustrating me to no end. For one thing, I need every mental faculty I have to keep tabs on my two rambunctious munchkins. Not to mention it makes I shudder at the thought of running or working out because of it. But the real kicker is how it is bringing down my spirit, and that is not something I take lightly.

You see, many moons ago, when I was but a wee babe in the Pleistocene Era... Ok, well, not that long ago, but long enough that I feel able to talk about it publicly in this way... I went through some very dark times. Very little mattered to me, though very few knew or could tell. And now, as an older, wiser (ha), more mature (ha again!) adult (oh gracious me, I'm an adult), I can recognize signs that I am slipping into a melancholy. Those melancholy times are scant skipping stones to the deeper depression that I know I can be dragged into with a despondent and discontent spirit. This is one reason why I take discouragement very much to heart. And then why I also take true joy and encouragement to heart as well.

Some of you may never know the true joy my heart feels when you share even a simple word with me, whether through email, phone call, facebook or in person. There are so many people who have often held me strong when I found myself floundering to remember my Creator and Sustainer - people who have taken my chin and lifted up my face to look into His. What few people know is that even if I have not talked to them in far too long, they are still in my heart and when I see them again I know that I will still feel that incredible affection I felt before. My friends are my friends for life, and more often than not, family in the truest and deepest sense of the word.

So I ask you, friends, for one thing. Pray for me. Pray that I might be relieved of this despondent spirit. Pray that am able to find comfort in the Savior. Pray that my heart and mind are protected from the darkness which seeks to draw me down and attack me when I feel physically unable to fight.